I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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