i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize