winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
