can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
