At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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