just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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