Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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