Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
