If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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