And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
