Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
