do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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