He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
