so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
