i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
