wanna go halves on a baby?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
