I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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