don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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