I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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