the condom got lost in my hair
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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