It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have tasted many bathrooms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
