Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
