the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
