I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
