May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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