Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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