Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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