I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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