I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
