mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
