Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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