So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
