my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
