I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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