He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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