If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
