I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
