"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
