I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
