I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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