she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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