I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
