i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
