I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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