Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My vagina is officially offended.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
