Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
