I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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