R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
