i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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