I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
