So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
