Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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