She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize