Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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