the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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