i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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