why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
