I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize