My friends, they love my intelligence
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
