I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
