He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
