I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
