he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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