theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
