we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
