I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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