Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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