Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
