I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize