My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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