and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
