I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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