My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
