In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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