hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
