But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
zippers are such a cool invention
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
