it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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