I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
