Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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