just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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