I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
