The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
