I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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