I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
